Each choice can make a big difference in your life,
and that is something I’ve struggled with my whole life.
I never really knew what my priorities were.
I took on a challenge that felt extraordinary to me
I made the decision to leave.
Leave my family, my friends, my home... and my old self.
Why?
Because I couldn't bear to see myself stuck in a cycle
waking up each day feeling numb, doing things just to survive,
but never to truly live.
I wanted to do something unlike me.
I wanted to be someone my parents could proudly talk about.
I wanted my friends to say, “I have a friend who’s living her dream in another country.”
I wanted my younger self to look at me and smile,
knowing I fulfilled our dreams, one brave step at a time.
But leaving was never easy.
It felt selfish at first.
I ran from the fear of heartbreak
from staying in a place that once made me feel safe but now made me feel stuck.
Looking back, I’m glad I made that decision based on emotion.
Because along the way, it turned out to be the most logical one too.
I believe God opened a door for me
to show me another version of life, in another place.
A chance to start over.
Still, I couldn’t ignore the guilt.
I asked myself:
“What will my friends do without me?”
“Will my family be okay without me around?”
When I applied for my visa, the wait was long.
I grew impatient.
But oddly, I also started enjoying life in Singapore again.
I had second thoughts “Should I really go?”
I spoke to my godma and church friends.
They didn’t give me direct answers.
They told me to pray.
So I did.
And though I heard nothing,
I felt an overwhelming sense of peace
as if Heaven whispered, “Go.”
It was the stillness that gave me clarity.
In the months leading up to my departure,
I noticed how much I’d grown.
In the way I spoke.
In the things I valued.
In the thoughts I shared.
Others saw it in me even before I did.
One day I thought,
“If I choose to stay just to take care of my parents,
just to plan things for my friends,
just to remain in my comfort zone
then my life will become small.
It will become a cycle.
Predictable. Safe.
But not the kind of story I want to tell my future kids.”
I knew little me would’ve found that version of me…
boring.
Unfulfilled.
Not enough.
So when the visa approval came in,
I was overjoyed.
I showed my friends.
Their jaws dropped.
They were shocked, not because I was leaving,
but because I was finally doing something I always said I would,
but never did.
Packing was emotional.
I reunited with friends.
Said my slow goodbyes.
During those moments, they began telling me how much I meant to them.
I never knew how deeply I had impacted their lives.
They smiled.
They cried.
They told me they were proud.
And I will carry that love forever.
Before I left, I promised myself something:
I would leave in peace.
That meant making peace with others too.
Even the one person who unknowingly helped spark this journey
my ex, my first love.
I finally gained the courage to forgive.
To let go of the pain.
To be thankful that our story, though painful, pushed me toward a new beginning.
So maybe it wasn’t selfishness after all.
Maybe it was survival.
I chose to heal.
To live.
To dream again.
And one day, I’ll return home
not just older,
but wiser,
more confident,
full of self-love,
and proud of the woman I’ve become.
A poetry I wrote as i was on the plane:🌿
I left not to escape,
but to become.
To follow the silent pull
of a life waiting to be lived.
I loved deeply
but I chose to love myself too.
And maybe,
just maybe,
that’s not selfishness.
That’s freedom.
Have you ever made a decision that felt selfish but saved you?
Share it in the comments or message me
I’d love to hear your story.
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IG: @Diary.soul__
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